Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in turtlemama77's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Saturday, October 21st, 2006
3:03 pm	I love the book The Big Rumpus by Ayun Halliday. It so reminds me of my life. Except for the living in New York City part. hah. Seriously though, she writes about life with a toddler and a baby and I can so relate right now. Reese is so spunky and energetic and wild. Her hair is wild, she loves to run around shouting, she loves to be busy. She's starting to talk, and has a LOT to say, including but not limited to things like "mine," "no," and "I snack?" The last one is her way of asking to nurse. Eli is so different. He's sweet and cuddly and easygoing. He sleeps through pretty much anything, and still loves to sleep. I think he's on his way to rolling over any day now, and his big sister always makes him smile (as long as she's not pulling on his feet or poking his eyes). I'm so lucky to have my wild child and my moon faced boy. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 9th, 2006
1:43 pm	Well we had the naptime straight out of Hades today. It was ridiculous. I got Eli to sleep, took Reese upstairs and while we were laying down, Eli woke up. I told Reese that she had her monkey and her blanket and she could lay with them for a few minutes unitl I got back. Of course, she freaked out. I went to Eli and got him calmed down and back to sleep and went back up to Reese. We had just settled down again when Eli started crying. So I repeated the same thing to Reese, about laying with her monkey and blanket. Eli was way too upset for me to just rock him so I unwrapped him and nursed him while listening to Reese pound on the walls (she may have been kicking the walls, too) and hollar. Eli fell back to sleep, and I went back upstairs. I talked to Reese about how she had monkey and blanket, and that sometimes I had to help Eli because he's littler than she is. I've been feeling really frustrated lately about getting Reese to sleep, not so much naptime because for some reason it usually goes pretty smoothly and she's asleep within a few minutes. Bedtime seems to be so drawn out and it takes her forever to fall asleep. Her latch sucks (no pun intended) and I've tried a ton of different things to try to fix it. It's been getting a little better, but I've resorted to just unlatching her and reminding her "no teeth." This I'm sure doesn't help the bedtime situation because when I unlatch her, she wakes up a little bit and we practically have to start over with the whole falling asleep thing. But I really cannot let her nurse with that latch anymore. She's leaving teeth marks on my nipple and it hurts. So I don't know. Reese has never needed nearly as much sleep as I wish she did. I'm probably lucky that she naps so well during the day and she does sleep pretty well at night (she's really only waking once most nights). It doesn't help that after she finally does go to bed (it's been between 9:30-10pm...ugh), I stay up with Eric for a little while instead of going to sleep myself. We decided though not to mess with her bedtime or naptime until after Daylight Savings. There's a chance she'll go back to having a bedtime closer to 8:30 or 9pm and waking a little earlier in the morning after we change the clocks. If it doesn't work, I might start manipulating her naps, maybe waking her up earlier in the morning or something. She might be on the road to cutting out her nap completely, but I kind of think she still needs it. She really does get tired after lunch. It's hard though, especially when we're around Eric's sister's family. Their kid goes to bed by 8pm every night, and they don't have to lay with her or anything. They just put her to bed. Now this could be her personality, but I suspect that between home and daycare, there was some crying involved. I'm totally not about leaving a baby or toddler to cry alone as a means of "teaching" them to sleep on their own. I think it also doesn't help that I'm dealing with some depression. I thought things weren't right with me about a month ago or so, but I was sick and not sleeping well. I decided to wait until after I was feeling better and then see how things were going. It's been maybe two weeks, and I'm really not feeling okay. Some days are really good, but some days I just have to force myself to get dressed and do things with Reese. I feel like I'm losing my temper with her frequently over stupid stuff. It's hard to explain, but I just don't feel right. So I decided to try what I did last time, when Reese was around six months old, and that was Evening Primrose Oil and just being more mindful of taking care of myself. If things aren't getting better in a few weeks, I'll give my doc a call. I should talk to Eric, too. I don't know why I'm so stubborn about sharing my problems with people. I'm the kind of person who prefers to deal with things on her own. I'm not sure what he can do to help me. He already helps out with the kids and the house a great deal, otherwise I think things would be worse for me. But I think I will talk to him about how I've been feeling. It feels good to get all that out. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 29th, 2006
9:31 pm	Sometimes I read things and they really really bug me. Like stories of doctors telling mamas how freaking big their babes will be based on ultrasounds. Egads. So anyway, we're all hanging in there. Actually things have gotten a LOT better. I don't know if I'm in a different frame of mind, or if we're just all getting adjusted or what. I still have days when I just feel blah and down and have to force myself to do things, but not as much as during the first six weeks. I'm starting to enjoy being around Reese again (that's awful, to imply that I didn't like being around her...ugh), and we're doing more fun things. Eli is starting to show his little fun, sunny personality. I think it's going to be okay. Tandem nursing has been an adventure too. Some days (like today) I don't care how much Reese wants to nurse. We sat around in the chair for a long time today, with her nursing and popping off to say things to me. Some days I count the days until she's two and I feel okay about starting the weaning process. Those are the really bad days, obviously. My rational mind thinks it would be silly to wean Reese in the winter because of all the colds. We seem to be getting enough colds as it is. Speaking of Reese...I better try to get her to bed so I can turn in, too. Eli has been asleep for at least an hour already. :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 23rd, 2006
10:26 pm	We were at Eric's parents' house today. At one point, Reese was playing with a baby doll. She sat on the couch with the doll, laid the doll across her lap, hiked up her shirt, and started to nurse the doll! I was so proud I almost cried. She sat still for a few minutes, then got up and continued to play. It was the cutest, sweetest thing, and it makes some of the struggles we've had with extended nursing worth it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 17th, 2006
8:18 pm	I was browsing at Barnes and Noble today (with Eli sleeping in the sling) and I happened to pick up the Supernanny advice book. I wanted to see what she had to say about breastfeeding. I shouldn't have even picked it up because it just pissed me off. I think if you're going to be giving parents advice about breastfeeding, you should at least educate yourself (and I'm not talking about reading What to Expect During the First Year...another sucky book, by the way). Good old JoJo is advising parents that at 9 months a baby is just comfort sucking and gives weaning tips. Sigh. Sometimes I like watching shows like Supernanny and Nanny 911 with Eric though. We have really great conversations about discipline and homeschooling (which is almost always shown as something backwards weirdos do on shows like that, and on WifeSwap too, which I was watching today). (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
3:32 pm	So one of our great struggles of late has been the afternoon. You know, that evil time between right around 4pm and dinnertime. I call it "happy hour" but only because it made me feel like drinking. Hah! I've found that if I can keep Reese busy, it's better. Unfortunately, Eli likes to nurse a lot during the hours of 4-7 pm, and while he often falls asleep for short periods of time, it's still kind of hard. The other thing I've been struggling with is that I don't do anything fun with Reese. Part of the reason (and a big part, I might add) is that for the last couple of months we've been working on getting into a routine. It was a hard adjustment having Eli come into our lives! I do include Reese in chores that I do, and have her helping me where ever she can, doing whatever she is able to do. She loves sorting laundry and loading up the washer and dryer, loves to clean cabinets, loves to "fold" clothes, loves to unload the dishwasher with me...that kind of stuff. But we're really lacking in any artsy stuff, like working with playdough or markers. So in the afternoons, once her nap is done (Eli will still be asleep half the time), we have a snack and then I've been getting out stuff and sitting down with her. We have tried playdough, markers, and paint so far. It's been awesome. She's still putting a lot of things in her mouth, and she likes to sniff things, but I think she's ready for stuff like this. I'm kind of glad I waited until she was ready. We tried playdough before Eli was born, but she just couldn't keep the stuff out of her mouth. A pleasant side effect of spending some one on one time with Reese in such a concentrated way is that she's more willing to play on her own while I'm trying to get dinner going/nurse Eli. In fact, since I've been making an effort to be more available to her (as much as I can without going crazy), she's been much easier to be around. I'm not having to redirect her from things she shouldn't be doing because she has things that are fun to do. I was feeling a little freaked out about homeschooling (I do waffle about it...some days I know that's what we'll do and some days I just can't see it working...the latter are the bad days, of course), but I'm feeling like I can definitely handle it. It's nice to watch Reese get excited about painting a picture or mashing up playdough or playing in water with cups. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 11th, 2006
10:13 pm	Eric is the coolest, I swear. I've been thinking a lot about vaccinations because Eli's 2 month well baby visit is coming up (well, it's supposed to be this week, but I'm slow), and I've been stressing about giving him so many shots at one time. So I did some research and found out what shots were given exactly, and what they were for. I wanted to have information for Eric because my proposal is to delay vaccinations until Eli is a little older. So tonight I mentioned the well baby visit, and showed Eric all the shots Eli would get. I asked how he would feel about delaying vaccinations until Eli is older and his immune system is stronger. Eric goes, "I don't care. Yeah, let's do that." I was shocked! I thought maybe he wouldn't want to, because I know he believes that vaccinations are a good thing (and to a certain extent, I agree...but I think we're going overboard...that's another rant). Now that I think of it, Eric was just fine with us skipping the chicken pox vax for Reese. Chances are if he knew exactly what some of the other vaccinations were, he'd be okay skipping those, too. Anyway, no vaccinations at Eli's 2 month appointment. I'm going to ask the ped what she thinks about delaying and selectively vaccinating, and what kind of schedule she would suggest (if she is willing to help with that). I kind of think she'll be open to it because she didn't bat an eye when I declined the chicken pox vax for Reese. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
10:30 am	Eric and I were talking about how ridiculously easygoing Eli is, and how we always thought Reese was easygoing. Now that she's almost two, we're thinking that maybe she's more spirited than we thought. I said I thought we just had appropriate expectations for the behavior of an almost two year old, so we're not constantly struggling with Reese. But man, we were at storytime today, and compared to most of the other kids...wow. Reese is all over the place. I think I was the only mom who wasn't making her child sit still. And yes, I did get the disapproving stare from a few of the moms. But why should Reese have to sit still? The storytime is active, she enjoys being close to the librarian and watching what's going on. Yes, she was climbing on the piano bench (a no no at storytime), but I took her out of the room and fixed the problem (haha, that sounds so ominous...I just got her to focus on me and asked her to leave the bench alone because it's the librarian's, and got her interested in something else right away when we went back in). Yes, she was running all over the room, but she wasn't bothering anyone, and if she was, I stopped her. I don't know. I think it's pretty unrealistic to expect a 20 month old to sit still for the storytime. Maybe Reese is ready for the older group? I'll talk to the librarian next time we're there. I remember that we knew Reese was ready for the 1 year old group when she started running around during the baby story time. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 7th, 2006
2:28 pm	What the hell is with the whiny husbands? I've read probably half a dozen posts on different message boards that involve a tearful mama trying to decide whether to go out and leave a baby, trying to end cosleeping, whether or not to continue nursing...and there's always a whiny, bratty husband who is pushing these decisions because he "wants his wife back." Um, hello, don't have kids if you're so selfish! It just bugs the heck out of me. Call me radical, but my husband is an adult. Yes, he has needs, and I'm more than happy to meet his needs too, but guess what? The kids are little, and they're only little for a short time. In my mind, an adult has the capacity to be more patient than a child, or at least they should. Eric understands that cosleeping and breastfeeding aren't forever, but they sure are important and good for our kids. He understands that leaving our kids with various sitters so we can go party like teenagers isn't appropriate right now. I'm glad I'm not stuck with a whiny, bratty husband. Hah, can you tell what kind of mood I'm in today? I'm also feeling kind of sentimental and sad. My favorite time of year used to be the back to school part. When I was in college, I loved getting back to the dorms and back to my college life. When I was teaching, I loved the first days back, everything was so fresh and new. I'm kind of jealous of the teachers and kids going back to school, getting to buy all new school supplies and new clothes. I wish I were there, too. Sometimes I really miss working and teaching and doing my thing. I loved teaching so much. But I wouldn't want to do it now. Teaching was a full time plus kind of job, at least I felt it had to be to do it right. There's no way I could juggle my kids, my husband, my home, and a job. Something would suffer, and I'm not willing to have that be my husband or kids. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 6th, 2006
4:11 pm	Some days I think to myself, "Reese will be two in December and we're going to wean after that." Those are the bad days though. I think it would be silly to wean in the winter. There are times though when I can't even sit down without requests to nurse. It's hard and some days I get so frustrated, like all I am to Reese is boobs. I know that's totally not true, but sometimes it's so annoying. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 4th, 2006
8:01 pm	Yikes, it's been a while...but I think as I've mentioned before, it's kind of a struggle to keep up with my main livejournal account, let alone this one too. I'll get back into it though, because I think I need to do more journaling. But that's a story for another day. A mom asked me if I chose to circ Eli. I *almost* said something snarky like, "No, I don't believe in cutting parts off my kids" but refrained and just said no. I was kind of glad I wasn't snarky because she had circed her son. I know the issue to circ or not to circ gets some people really heated. For me, it's kind of a silly non-issue. Why would anyone cut something off a kid that is there naturally? I don't really get it, and it's very painful. If Eli decides later that he would like to be circed, I'll support him, but it should be his decision and not mine to make for him. I'd be pissed if someone had said that I should be circed (and yes, there is female circing...we typically refer to it as genital mutilation...although I'm not sure why routine male circs aren't refered to as such...) when I was an infant and I had no choice. I'm really glad that Eric was supportive of leaving Eli intact. Anyway, we're hanging in there. I feel like I'm always nursing someone, and am feeling a bit touched out these days. It's getting better, and I don't have any regrets in not weaning Reese, but it sure can be challenging. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 11th, 2006
10:17 am	Today has been such a craptacular day. Man. I don't know if Reese woke up on the wrong side of the bed or what, but she's been hollaring and hitting and just being a pill. If gypsies came by, I'd sell her to them for a nickel. Seriously. And it's not like I haven't been trying. I offer to nurse her whenever I can, I've read books, she has snacks and something to drink...but Eli has been fussy today and wants to nurse and if I put him down, he cries. We went to a garage sale, went outside a few times (Reese can't seem to find anything to do out there), went for a walk around the block (mostly a mama sanity walk)...and it's only a little after 10am. Today was the day I was going to resist turning the tv on until after lunch, but I might cave and put in one of Reese's "shows." She's making me nuts. I guess I shouldn't complain too much. The rest of the week was pretty awesome. Sigh. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 1st, 2006
12:13 pm	It's been a little while since I updated here. I've been sort of better at updating my other account...but I still think I'll keep this one, too. I like having a super secret place. :) Things have been going okay. Eric was home for most of the week last week, which was nice. It's helpful to have extra hands to either keep Reese busy when Eli is nursing (which is all the time...growth spurt!!) or to hold Eli while I help Reese. We're all alone today again, and the morning started out rocky. I often feel like there isn't enough of me to go around, like someone is always getting the shaft. Eli gets put down much more often than Reese did, and although most of the time he doesn't mind it, I LIKE holding him. He lets me know when he wants to be picked up, but he's such an easygoing baby that he cries for a few minutes and then stops like he's giving up. It makes me sad. Reese has been fussy, too. This morning, after waking up earlier than she's used to, she was inconsolable. She stood by my chair just crying. I tried to get her to lay down on the couch, but she wasn't having that. Believe it or not, it seemed to help that we got out of the house for a little while. Maybe that's the key. Reese is used to going out and about 3-4 times a week. We're not shut ins, man. I wasn't going to attempt the grocery store today, but we needed milk. So I got Eli to sleep, managed to dress both Reese and myself, and we hustled to the grocery store. Eli slept the whole time in the sling, and Reese and I played the Dance Dance game and ate doughnut holes. She was much calmer and just more fun to be around after we got back. I even got us prepped for dinner (fajitas), so if it all falls apart later on today, Eric can throw dinner together pretty easily and really quickly. I also feel like I'm rushing all the time. Hurry up and get x,y, and z done before the baby wakes up or before Reese freaks out. I need to go with the flow more, definitely. I don't think there's any other way to do it with more than one kid. I act like the things I have to do are so pressing, but really, they're not. So the diapers sat in the washer for an extra hour this morning? OH well. So the dishwasher didn't get unloaded today? Oh well. It's hard though because I'm used to being able to do those kinds of things. I like Eli the Baby, but am looking forward to Eli the toddler so I can get some things done around here. :) (Comment on this)
Friday, July 21st, 2006
12:43 pm	Well, my babies are both sleeping (Reese in her room on her big girl mattress and Eli in his carseat). We did the swing trick today and it worked again. Luckily Eli has no aversions to the swing (yet). Reese always hated it. Whatever works!! I was considering taking a nap, but Eli and I slept pretty well last night and tomorrow is Saturday so Eric will be around in case I need to nap. I don't think Eli will sleep much longer in the carseat anyway. He really does like to be in arms, which I have no problem with at all. We use the sling a lot because it's easier for me to do things with/for Reese if I have both hands free. Speaking of Reese, she tries so hard to be a little trooper, but by around 11am today she had had enough. Then she starts hitting and throwing things and pitching fits. It's challenging to keep her busy because she seems not to want to play with her toys by herself as much as she did pre-baby. I'm hoping things will settle down in the next few weeks. It will be better when I can pick her up again (I'm not really supposed to lift anything heavy...a 25 lb toddler fits into that category...although I do lift her on occasion, like into her high chair). It must be such a weird thing to her. One day we're talking about Little Baby in mom's belly, and the next day POW, there's a baby! And the baby nurses all the time, and I know that drives her nuts. I try to get her on as much as I can, but I can't nurse them together yet. Eli is too little and I can't position them by myself. I think we'll eventually get there though. Anyway, we're hanging in there. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 19th, 2006
7:57 pm	So tomorrow Eric goes back to work. We have a doc. appointment for Eli at 9:20, and then after we all get back home, Eric will be leaving. I'm kind of freaking out right now. All I can picture, no matter how hard I try, is complete chaos. I don't know why I feel this way. My plan already is to go with the flow and not worry too much about Reese's nap. As long as we're all fed and diapers get changed, things will be okay, right? If for some crazy reason I can't get Reese to nap, well, I guess she'll just go to bed earlier. See, it's totally not a huge deal at all. But it's kind of scary. (Comment on this)
8:23 am	http://www.sleepingbaby.net/jan/Essays/guilt.html It's a good read. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 18th, 2006
10:10 pm	I've been neglecting this journal, for real. I don't have much two handed typing time during the day (Eli in one hand...and typing one handed bugs me because it takes too long). Anyway, Elias Martin is here! He was born on July 13th at 3:46pm, weighing in at 8 lbs 12 oz and 21 inches long. We had an awesome birth experience, which I'm sure I'll type up one of these days. The hospital stay did only end up being a little over 24 hours. Eli was doing great, nursing really well, and I was ready to get some sleep. You can't really sleep in a hospital, you know. Seriously, the moment I'd fall asleep, someone would come into the room and need something. It was insane. No wonder I was exhausted after Reese was born (well...aside from the hemmoraging). There are a couple of pictures on www.jahner.net. We're doing well though...better than I thought we would do, but then again, Eric is still at home with us. I think it will be pretty challenging being alone with my two babes, at least at first. Tandem nursing has been okay so far. Reese is asking a LOT more to nurse, which is okay. She doesn't nurse long most of the time. More often than not, she starts squirming around or popping on and off and I end the session. It's going to be interesting juggling the two of them around naptime, but I have a few ideas for what to do with Eli while I'm nursing Reese down. If all else fails, we can all lay down on the big bed or cuddle up in the recliner. We shall see. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
5:50 pm	Wow. I just read a livejournal where a ped suggested it was okay to feed a four month old baby ICE CREAM. Sigh. This babe has been eating rice cereal for a couple weeks at least. And the doc okayed some fruits and veggies, too. What???? I so want to send some info about delaying solids, but I don't think I'm close enough to the mama to butt in. It's a formula fed baby, so I don't know if the guidelines are different, but I believe the AAP states breastmilk or formula ONLY for six months. Gah. Sometimes things I hear peds recommending make me crazy. After our experiences with Reese and solids (and constipation, hah), I don't know why anyone would want to bother with spoonfeeding a baby anything. I'm not going to bother with solids until Little Baby can sit up alone, has lost all tongue thrust, and can self feed soft chunks of food. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
11:52 am	So I was at an LLL function today, and this mom was talking about how she's going to Vegas in August, and she's leaving her baby (who will be around 7 months) with her parents. You know what her reason was? It's hot in Vegas, and she's worried that the baby will get overheated. I was thinking it was a lame reason, but I said something jokingly like, "The babies in Las Vegas are probably okay" implying that her reason was kind of lame. Perhaps I should just keep my mouth shut. I just don't think leaving a 7 month old is a great idea, but that's just me. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 2nd, 2006
8:27 am	AND....no baby yet! Which is okay. I'm not overdue or anything. I'm just getting excited. While I was dealing with some insomnia last night, I tried to picture what it would be like to have Reese and Little Baby. I think I will have Little Baby in a sling a lot of the time. I was thinking about our sleeping arrangement too, and I think it will be okay. We talked about Eric moving the guard rail to his side so I can get out of bed easier with Little Baby. Reese can sleep between Eric and me, or between Eric and the guard rail. I've been re-reading my birth book and my Adventures in Tandem Nursing book, too. Lots to think about. (Comment on this)